Tuesday, September 2, 2014

One Whole Month Old

It's been a month since I arrived at the hospital to embark on the journey of becoming these two little girls mommy. I am in shock that they are a month old now. I've been their mother for 32 days, and while they're so new, it's like they've been here all along. They've already changed so much in this first month that I cannot imagine how fast this first year will pass... they say it's like a blink of an eye and they are in high school, or heading off to college, or getting married. I get it now: it's not just a figure of speech, it's a real reality... they grow up fast, and this itty bitty baby phase is over faster than we can absorb it.

When I met these girls a month ago, I didn't know them yet. I didn't know what their little faces would emote, what kind of hair they'd have, the shape of their noses, and sounds of their cries... it was all a mystery. I loved them from the first moment that I saw them, but this month has been about falling in love with them. Learning about who they are as people, what they like, don't like, what they need. Samantha and Summer are such unique individuals from each other and yet it's evident they love and are comforted by each other's presence... they love to sleep together, side to side. Neither is bothered or awoken by the other's crying (thank goodness). They eat at different paces, they move with different vigor, and they cry at different volumes! For me, every day has been about patience, kindness, and understanding.

Someday I imagine that these now little lumps of love and baby softness will be babbling little girls,  and eventually will want to us to read this blog to them, to tell them their story, who they were as little people? Jonathan has a letter from his mother written to him while he was still an infant, more than thirty years ago, in hopes that someday he might read it as an adult and think back to a time he can't recall, but to have the chance to experience it through the lens of the love of his mother. The letter is an unforgettable gift of words.  I hope this blog will be that for Summer and Sam, someday they'll know how much they were wanted, and loved before they were ever even conceived.

So here it goes, after a month of life, this is what I have to say about each of you:

Samantha, you are one fierce little girl. You use your legs, back and neck with a strength I hadn't ever expected an wee little six pound baby to possess. It's really something to behold, I think you have a fine sports future ahead of you should you ever desire to be an all star soccer player or something. You spend so much of the day awake, and since the minute you were born you've looked at the world with big wide open eyes, not fussing or crying but just taking it all in... You look so happy and content I wonder if I'm missing something that you're seeing. You are the worlds pokiest eater, and until yesterday you have been none to interested in latching like your sister, you're perfectly happy with the bottle and won't be rushed to finishing your meal. You have so much hair, it's practically an inch long already, and I'm sorry to tell you it's my hair, full of cowlicks and curls and I suspect it will be outstandingly beautiful and absolutely horrible to manage. Your cheeks are filling in and your dad says you look just like his dad's mom, but when you crack a  practice smirk I actually see my dad's face in your little smiles. You are a joy and a half, sometimes in the middle of the night, when you're taking a break from your bottle I just melt into your little face. I can't get enough of your sweetness.

Summer, you are so chill. You're always mellow, calm and relaxed, until you're hungry. Then you get crazy loud with cries of hunger and you absolutely cannot be consoled until someone fills your tummy full! You love to eat, and you do it really really well. You take so much joy from your meals it brings both your dad and I joy to feed you. You are such a good little sleeper and are so happy and content wherever you are and whomever is holding you. You're a big time snuggle bear, loving being held close to your parents. You, my sweet Summer, were the first baby I laid eyes on in the hospital and the first baby I got to hold after birth. I will never forget the sweetness of your face on my lips and softness of your hair when I touched you with my hand. Speaking of hair, yours has half fallen out, but only the part on the top of your head... you're still adorably cute and a little silly with all that missing hair, both your dad and I laugh about it. I have a feeling you got your dad's thick straight hair, but time will tell. You are all cheeks: you have been from birth, in fact you look like me as a baby, with your high cheekbones and full face. We share so many of the same mannerisms too, so many it's uncanny, like how you hold your hand to your face when you sleep. Lastly, I have to mention your name.  Your dad and I agreed on your name, but I named you. As soon as I thought of your name, Summer (who we loving call Summertime), I knew it was it... You are the symbol of abundance and love, you were our 2nd baby girl and more than we ever thought possible.

A note from daddy; "You are, and will forever be, these two perfect baby girls whose tiny bodies fit mostly into the palms of our hands. I'll always remember holding you, one of you scooped up in each arm, waltzing around the living room with me, soothing away your tears. If, sometime in the distant future you girls are reading this, I want to tell you how happy and proud we are of you, no matter what has happened in the meantime. The kind of love we have for you two is permanent and irrevocable, the kind of bedrock you can build your lives on." - Jonathan

It's been a long post for the longest and shortest month of my life. It's been wild and crazy, I've been stretched beyond what I ever believed was humanly possible and all it's taught me is I have room and time for more than I ever imagined. I have learned that multi-tasking with twins is a way of life and you need to have a plan for everything, yet retain the flexibility to scrap that plan when things aren't working out. Even now, I write this post after three days of having it on my todo list, and the only way this is getting done is because I have Samantha wrapped up in the Moby, her sister downstairs spending some quality time with dad, and Dahlia at the foot of my chair getting some much needed pets that I can offer to her with my only unused limb, my right foot...

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