And just like that, they're a year old

I could write an entire post about what it's been like to be a mother for a year, but I'm not going to. Instead I am going to say: this year has been the most momentous year of my life, and I am not the same person I was 365 days ago. I will never be the same. Becoming a parent is all encompassing and changes you, your values, your priorities, your relationships with others. It's the most important journey I have ever had the courage to embark on. It has been the hardest, most exhausting thing I have ever experienced. Becoming a mother has been empowering: I grew people, I gave birth to them, I love, care, and nourish them, and daily I am reminded of what an incredible gift it is to be a woman, to be a part of such a beautiful unbroken chain of human experience. Every single day is joyful and humbling: I uncover something new in my daughters, discover something amazing about my husband, and learn deeply about myself. I can't believe it's been a year already, how is it possible to love so completely, and to feel as though they've always been here... was there even a time before this? On August 1st 2014, at 8pm I heard Summer and Samantha cry and as Jonathan held Summer and the doctor held Sam I felt their cheeks against mine. For a moment time just stopped... then we all took a breath and began our lives together.


Baby girls, HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY!

Summer, 
You are a perpetual state of light in every single day. You are the definition of joyful, you laugh so hard you turn red and invite laughter from everyone around you. Everything is funny to you! It is fantastic to be privy to such a great audience. I hope this piece of you never ever goes away; I hope you're always this happy and joyful to be alive. You smile with your whole face and your still full cheeks stick out past the sides of your face and it's the most adorable thing I think I've ever seen. Everything about you is perfect, you are beautiful and just looking at you makes me overwhelmed with love for what an incredible gift you are.
You've been crawling for a couple of months now and you are ridiculously fast and have begun tackling newer and more challenging obstacles to make movement more entertaining... it's frightening and impressive all at the same time. The world is quite literally your jungle gym, BE CAREFUL my sweet baby girl! I hate seeing you get hurt!
You've started really making strides in your sounds and say things that resemble words but I'm still not quite sure if they have meaning yet or not. "baby, buh bye, mama, mommy, dada, baba" I can't wait to figure out what it is you are saying, cause goodness you are talking all the time.
You LOVE music, not really the kinda music I like, mostly the jingles from your toys but when something starts playing your get up on your knees and start bouncing up and down, and moving your arms around to get your dancing groove on!
A year ago I met you for the first time, I got a chance to look into your beautiful eyes, touch your soft head of hair and we started our journey together. All six pounds of you fit in the crook of my arm and I looked down at your dark brown head for the last year watching you grow into this strong, spirited, happy, and loving little girl. You still crawl into my lap and let me hold you, when you're upset you are soothed by my touch, and the sound of my voice, and I try to take in every last breath of your baby self... knowing that someday you'll be too big for me to pick up and carry around with me, and you probably won't want me to either. I am grateful for every single moment we've shared together this year. You are incredible and I love you.



Samantha,

You are such an animated little character. Full of funny faces and noises you are hilarious in your own fantastic way. You see the world differently than your sister, you, are interested in exploring but you are also interested in understanding every possible thing there is to know about something. You love your sister, so much. When you wake from a nap the first thing you do is climb up on the side of your crib and check to see what sister is doing, when you're playing you love to just rub the side of cheeks and forehead against hers so you can be close, it is genuinely tender and sweet. 

You are extremely specific, you know exactly what toy you want and when crawling towards something you keep your eye on the prize and you do not accept substitutions. It's something you come by quite honestly I'm afraid, your mom likes to things to be just so.. it's hard to just go with the flow when you're so invested in something. You just started crawling a couple of weeks ago and you are FAST! It's a good thing we have baby gates or who knows where you'd end up? Your new found freedom of the moment has left you with a curious heart and you are determined to explore this fascinating world.   

You were my baby A, I felt your swift and strong kick first, when you were born your voice was the first thing I heard, it's a sound I will never forget. You are fierce, strong, smart, complicated and when I look at you my heart practically explodes with love for you. I love your beautiful green eyes, long eyelashes, your sweet soft reddish blond hair, the cowlick that sits squarely in the middle of your perfect little head. Your softness and love for being close is something I've loved to share with you, you are perfectly happy sitting in my lap and playing with a toy, or being worn for a long walk around the neighborhood, you are my little snuggle bear. I wish we could snuggle forever. I feel like it's taken me the entire year to get to know you really well, you are special and wonderful in the most unexpected ways, you continue to surprise me with your depth and love..you are a one of kind gem, precious and completely unique. Words cannot do you justice, so know this, I love you from the deepest part of me, you make my soul shine with love. 


What an amazing year it's been. 

A Crazy Eleventh Month

Some months it seems like nothing really big happens and then some months it feels like everything happens. This month has been on of those months. Since mother's day we found out we're having another baby, we finished packing for our move, we moved to Phoenix, have started the forever task of unpacking, Samantha got two more teeth, and just yesterday she started crawling! Summer has begun letting go of things and is now standing for seconds at a time between holding onto the couch/table/chair/your leg/wall/EVERYTHING, and has just started to get her first two teeth.... it's been a wild, exhausting, and crazy month.

I somehow managed to convince Jon to unpack the chalkboard this morning and prop it up in the girls playroom so I could take their monthly photo... seemed horrible to fall down on the job at just shy of the finish line for the first year! I do have to say though, taking these photos has become a two person job. I had to chase babies after each picture and try to fly back into my position to just a snap a photo or two before they were off again, next month I'll wait till I have a little help!

This month has been a test of emotional strength for me... it's not as if I didn't know I was busy and my days were complicated and full, but it becomes abundantly clear how at capacity you are when you try to add additional time consuming and complicated tasks to your life... and you realize that you seriously don't have the energy, time, or patience to deal with additional things, But you HAVE to do these things... The "have to" part has pretty much summed up this month for me personally, I have to keep digging a little deeper everyday and sometimes every minute for energy, patience, occasionally a deep breath so I didn't barf all over the place from morning sickness. I'm really really really ready for some normalcy to my days again and relish in the familiarity of schedule and knowing where to find all of my things!

It's the last month before the girls turn One! I sincerely can't believe it, they have blossomed into such individual characters and I find myself constantly thinking I can't believe this has happened so fast. We're already talking about their future "little girl" room, and the sports or activities we think they might like. We're transitioning them to regular milk and sippy cups, they eat three meals a day, and have loves, intense dislikes, hilarious facial expressions, a large range of noises, they say "ma ma" "DaDee!" "Bah bah (bottle)" They screech at their sister and laugh hysterically at whatever that must mean to them, they play peek a boo, wrestle, steal each others toys, food, etc. They love their binkies, diving into a pile of pillows and playing in the water... they are precious, fierce little girls and I love them.


Short post, but next month will be a good one!