Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Two and half weeks, an Update!

The girls are two and half weeks and doing great. I haven't had a chance to write a blog post lately, because as you can imagine I'm busy! And when I say busy I mean busy, the days and the nights blending together into a mess of time, so that I often find myself thinking, "what day is it today?" I am sure this is totally normal (and the girls have been amazing thus far), and I'm coping with the help of my mother who, yes, is still here... I'm able to get that extra set of helping hands while I'm still figuring out this whole "how to take care of a baby, excuse me, how to take care of TWO babies" thing.  I'll admit prior to having Samantha and Summer, I'd never even changed a diaper! Don't judge. Exactly what diaper should I have changed prior to this...? There weren't exactly a plethora of small infants around when I was growing up, so it just never happened.

I thought I would write a few thoughts down about what it's been like to be a mother for a little more than two weeks...

My first thought: I can't believe I'm a mother. I can't believe these two girls are mine....I am absolutely amazed I made these two human beings, and that these people were living inside of me two weeks ago. Absolute craziness!

Being a parent to twins is hard work, like seriously challenging. Twins mean twice the everything: two times the diapers, two times the amount of bottles, twice the feedings (if you're doing it alone, twice the time to feed them too), twice the holding and cuddling, twice the laundry, and sometimes this means crying in STEREO (this can actually be sorta funny at times, cause when you're waiting for a bottle to warm, there just isn't a lot you can do to soothe a hungry baby).

And then I think, "this is amazing." When you're holding them, you look into their eyes (when they are awake) and you catch them seeing something for the first time, or turning their head to find your voice, feeling the softness of their skin when they rest on your chest, the grip of their hand around one of your fingers, watching them involuntarily offer up a little smile and you catch a glimpse of the little people they are becoming and it's amazing... like out-of-this-world amazing. 

They are both such individuals already, and I can't wait to see who they will become as they grow and flourish.

Then there are the things no one really talks about: the hormones, oh holy heck the hormones. Fantastic highs and lowest lows. Then the insane swelling, post-delivery.... we're talking legs double their normal size. The challenge of recovering while you're giving 110% of yourself to your babies. And of course, the thing nobody talks about, breastfeeding.  Let me be clear folks, breastfeeding, this  "natural" thing, doesn't seem to come naturally for many new moms... so that leaves most of us frustrated and embarking on a very intimate relationship with a pump. In my case, feeding twins leaves me asking my body to make 40-50oz of pumped milk a everyday! This takes a lot of time AND a lot of effort..... about 20 minutes every 2-3 hours, day and night. It's pure insanity at times, and let's just say the boobs are not appreciating the love "Pumpy" (what I named my rental hospital pump) is bestowing upon them... but then I see Summer and Sam take a bottle that I made for them and know I'm doing what's best for them. It empowers me to keep forging ahead even though it's a huge time commitment in an already very full day.

Grandma posing with the girls
Finally, I have to mention my family. How wonderful they are, how much my mom and Jon have given to be there for me before and after the girls arrived..... This has been a crash course for all of us, and I seriously could not have done this first couple of weeks without all hands on deck. My mom stayed up till 4 in the morning for a week so both Jon and I could get some sleep and recover from the hospital. She's been doing laundry, cooking, going to the store, making bottles, washing bottles, feeding the girls, cuddling them, changing diapers....her help has been immeasurable and I am forever grateful to her. She leaves next week to go home after a very long stay in Portland (luckily during one of the nicest parts of the year) and we're sorry to see her go!! But I am sure she'll be thrilled to be amongst her things again and enjoying the dog days of summer in Flagstaff.

Dad showing off his tandem holding skills
Lastly, Jonathan... you know how you meet some people and just know they were meant to be a parent ? Like, paternal love just exudes from them, even towards children that aren't their own. This has always been Jon. Now, two weeks in and I look at him and I see that he is the person he was always meant to be, the father to Summer and Samantha. He loves on them, jumps in without hesitation, he sings made up songs, encourages at 2:00am them when they finish a bottle by saying "crushed it!" and does it with a kind heart full of eagerness and love. As corny as it might sound to write it and profess this to the world... Jonathan is the most incredible person I've ever known. Seeing him with the girls, I know they are profoundly lucky to have him as their dad.

One big happy family
So! What's next? Who knows?! The world is our oyster... I'll work to keep you updated as we move through milestones and check in from time to time, maybe even with some motherhood reality checks.

But for right now, I'm soaking it all in, living for today and not longing for tomorrow. In other words, I'm exactly where I want to be, falling in love all over again with all of the blessings life has given me.

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