Our girls turn three months this week, time absolutely seems to be going at warp speed! My two little squishy lumps of baby love are growing up fast and I can't figure out a way to slow time down.
In the last month the girls have made some big developmental advances! This month the girls have become responsive to smiles, they love being smiled at, and "coo'd ooo'd ahh'd" to, they make the worlds cutest noises to communicate back if you try to speak to them, and they see so much more now! They've noticed Dahlia and wonder what in the world this huge dark fluffy creature is, and in turn we're letting the puppy slowly get a little more in the babies faces. We have moved them from co-sleeping in our room into their nursery overnight and, so far at least, it's going very well. While I appreciate having a little quieter sleepy time and some alone time with Jon, I will admit I miss their sweet little baby grunts and sleepy noises, but I know it's for the best and we all sleep a little better in our own rooms. Jon and I have continue to tweak our parenting tactics as we go along...!
It's been a big month for us as a family. After some serious soul searching, I decided not to return to work at the end of my maternity leave. Life is just too short and, while there will always be other jobs, this time with them is something I can't ever get back. So, for now I'm full time mom: the hardest job I've ever had in my entire life! I'm on duty 24/7, 365, with no breaks, vacation, or sick days, sometimes my bosses even think it's funny to spit up all over me, or scream at me when they're hungry or I'm doing something wrong. But it's ok, 'cause I'm paid in baby smiles, laughs, and kisses.... I think, it's a good trade.
I've been thinking a lot lately about my life as it relates to the girls. As they get older and see more in the world around them, I recognize that my life -- what I say, do, watch, listen to, and how I behave -- are all center stage as an example for how to live their lives. The reality of this makes me churn with thought about what I want the girls to learn from my example, and how I can continue to work on the personal things I know aren't the most positive things about myself.
To that end, I took time to write down all the adages I want to relay to the girls. Some I have discovered on my own journey through life, and some are inherited from my mom and have really stuck with me my entire life... the most prominent one being "choose your battles wisely." I can't even recall the number of times my mother said this to me, to someone else, to my brother, to herself even... but it's good advice in moments of trial, and remembering this makes me take a second to pause and decide if this is really worth the fight. I must have written down 50 of them, but I'll just share a few. I know they are cliche, but well crafted words can stick to us like glue, and compel us to think and act differently.
- There is no weakness in forgiveness
- Speak kindly to and of yourself.
- Sometimes you just have to suck it up and keep going.
- Always seek to find a new perspective.
- Relish in the "firsts" of your life, they only happen once.
- You're your own best advocate.
- Speak the truth, but gently.
- Dance like no one is watching, and sing like no one can hear you.
- Love deeply and without fear.
- Don't settle, live your adventure.
- Remember, you are always worth it.
This month has been even better than the last, and I imagine next month better than this one. Every day I fall more and more in love with the girls. Their smiles and sounds warm my heart, and I can't seem to stop kissing their little heads and rubbing cheeks with them whenever I hold them. I'm continuing to grow as a mother, understanding that this, unlike anything else in my life, is something that can't be understood until you've done it. There is no other feeling or job like it, and the joys and struggles I'm facing can't be compared to anything else I've experienced. I've come to recognize that these girls are gift of a wholly new perspective on life and the world, and I'm becoming a better person everyday because of it.
Baby girls, heres to you making it 90 degrees around the Sun, I love you to the moon and back again.