Saturday, April 2, 2016

Four hundred and twenty months old

Today is my 35th birthday.. I remember growing up seeing the commercials for the show "thirty-something" and thinking dang that was for OLD people. Fair enough, now it seems I am one of those old  people. The married lady with three kids, driving a minivan, reading parenting books, spending my free time making homemade bread and quilting blankets. It's ok though because what I've learned is we spend way too much time concerning ourselves with things that don't really bring us joy and not enough focusing on the things that do.... my instinct is always to improve, perfect, and add too... struggling with knowing where to stop that train and just sit back and enjoy the now in whatever state

In my thirties I've come to recognize that some of the most painful things I've experienced in my life have prepared me for the most beloved and beautiful things I have to show for my time on this earth and if I could do those things all over again I still would. I'm not sure that I have anything deep or new to say, and that's ok. I'm me, I struggle every single day... my life has changed so drastically in the last couple of years from the beginning of my 30's that even I wouldn't have imagined it would look the way that it does, but God I am grateful. My life is crazy, hard, exhausting, joyful and more than I ever thought it could be.... I am SO lucky.

My mom had me when she was 25, for some reason that sticks with me as I think about who I was ten years ago and I know now that though I fought hard then, to have things I have now .. I went through a lot of pain and hard decisions and I realize now I wasn't truly ready for the life I have now... In many ways I feel like I spent much of my twenties finding myself and making up for what felt like lost time and now my the first part of my thirties has been focused on accepting and appreciating the person I've become.

My 30's so far have been the best years of my entire life because somewhere in there I just starting living my life. These past five years has been messy, chaotic, crazy, my career has been a mess..and yet...It's been incredible, filled with growth, experiences, abundance, friendships that lifted me up or taught me important lessons. I decided to start seeing the beauty in things around me, and recognizing it in myself. For the last half of my thirties, I hope to continue to leave behind the painful lessons of my past and relish in the ever evolving moments of my daily life. I hope to create so many joyful memories that my brain will burst trying to contain them all. I hope that positive energy fills up and encourages those around me to do the same in the way live their own lives.

Cheers to loving ourselves and all our peccadilloes, may I continue to love my husband with abandon, and show my girls how to love well, be strong, brave, take risks, and learn that the beautiful life that awaits them is not in having all the answers but in living each day as it comes and with a gracious heart.

1 comment: