Thirteen crazy months old

It's a short post this month! I have to be honest I haven't really thought a lot about the post this month... It's been busy, I'm pregnant, tired and the girls have been insanely active all month! They've been eating like truck drivers, and sprouting teeth left and right, they survived another cold, and they even had a nice long weekend with grandma and grandpa in Flagstaff!

Summer is standing on her own now, and I feel like those first steps are just days away... Sam is crazy fast at crawling and pretty much views everything as a climbing challenge, she loves sitting in her rocking chair, and reading books, ALL THE TIME. She's book crazy, she will just sit in your lap forever if you keep reading books to her... some of her favorites she'd prefer for you to read over and over and over again. It's adorable, and now I have at least five children's books completely memorized. Something to add to my selection of mind numbing toy jingles which sing me silently to sleep at night and wake me in so graciously in the morning!

Jonathan and I had a chance to work on the girls room while they were with their grandparents and I have to say we're pretty proud of the final product. The whole weekend I was sure they wouldn't care at all about their room... so imagine my joy when I took them upstairs to see it for the first time and they stopped for a minute, looked at each other raised their hands up in the air and then gleefully screeched, as they simultaneously crawled to their cribs and bounced up and down exploring their new digs. Made all the work so worth it.. They have throughly enjoyed the room and I'm so glad!

We're getting ready to start focusing on baby girl #3, due in January. I have all the parts and pieces for her room and now I just need the energy and time to work on it. Soon, we'll get it together and then she'll be here before we know it. I can't even believe I'm over halfway through this pregnancy? It's felt like forever, and insanely fast all at the same time. We've decided after much thought that we're switching to a midwife in hopes of having a home birth with this little one. We're hopeful all the stars will align and everything will go smoothly and we'll get to welcome this little one in our own home,  surrounded by the people we love.

As for the coming months, wish me luck! I hate to admit how much this pregnancy has really knocked me on my butt.... I am just so dang tired all the time! Add in trying to keep up with two, one year old turbo-crawlers with a pregnant belly, it continues to be a "growing" challenge. Recently I actually had someone tell me I shouldn't try to carry both of the girls at once right now.. UH, yea, right.... I LOL'd right in their face..... It's probably not optimal, but you do what you gotta do.

Here's to another month, we made it! They are another month older and mom and dad feel another year older in the bargain. ;)

And just like that, they're a year old

I could write an entire post about what it's been like to be a mother for a year, but I'm not going to. Instead I am going to say: this year has been the most momentous year of my life, and I am not the same person I was 365 days ago. I will never be the same. Becoming a parent is all encompassing and changes you, your values, your priorities, your relationships with others. It's the most important journey I have ever had the courage to embark on. It has been the hardest, most exhausting thing I have ever experienced. Becoming a mother has been empowering: I grew people, I gave birth to them, I love, care, and nourish them, and daily I am reminded of what an incredible gift it is to be a woman, to be a part of such a beautiful unbroken chain of human experience. Every single day is joyful and humbling: I uncover something new in my daughters, discover something amazing about my husband, and learn deeply about myself. I can't believe it's been a year already, how is it possible to love so completely, and to feel as though they've always been here... was there even a time before this? On August 1st 2014, at 8pm I heard Summer and Samantha cry and as Jonathan held Summer and the doctor held Sam I felt their cheeks against mine. For a moment time just stopped... then we all took a breath and began our lives together.


Baby girls, HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY!

Summer, 
You are a perpetual state of light in every single day. You are the definition of joyful, you laugh so hard you turn red and invite laughter from everyone around you. Everything is funny to you! It is fantastic to be privy to such a great audience. I hope this piece of you never ever goes away; I hope you're always this happy and joyful to be alive. You smile with your whole face and your still full cheeks stick out past the sides of your face and it's the most adorable thing I think I've ever seen. Everything about you is perfect, you are beautiful and just looking at you makes me overwhelmed with love for what an incredible gift you are.
You've been crawling for a couple of months now and you are ridiculously fast and have begun tackling newer and more challenging obstacles to make movement more entertaining... it's frightening and impressive all at the same time. The world is quite literally your jungle gym, BE CAREFUL my sweet baby girl! I hate seeing you get hurt!
You've started really making strides in your sounds and say things that resemble words but I'm still not quite sure if they have meaning yet or not. "baby, buh bye, mama, mommy, dada, baba" I can't wait to figure out what it is you are saying, cause goodness you are talking all the time.
You LOVE music, not really the kinda music I like, mostly the jingles from your toys but when something starts playing your get up on your knees and start bouncing up and down, and moving your arms around to get your dancing groove on!
A year ago I met you for the first time, I got a chance to look into your beautiful eyes, touch your soft head of hair and we started our journey together. All six pounds of you fit in the crook of my arm and I looked down at your dark brown head for the last year watching you grow into this strong, spirited, happy, and loving little girl. You still crawl into my lap and let me hold you, when you're upset you are soothed by my touch, and the sound of my voice, and I try to take in every last breath of your baby self... knowing that someday you'll be too big for me to pick up and carry around with me, and you probably won't want me to either. I am grateful for every single moment we've shared together this year. You are incredible and I love you.



Samantha,

You are such an animated little character. Full of funny faces and noises you are hilarious in your own fantastic way. You see the world differently than your sister, you, are interested in exploring but you are also interested in understanding every possible thing there is to know about something. You love your sister, so much. When you wake from a nap the first thing you do is climb up on the side of your crib and check to see what sister is doing, when you're playing you love to just rub the side of cheeks and forehead against hers so you can be close, it is genuinely tender and sweet. 

You are extremely specific, you know exactly what toy you want and when crawling towards something you keep your eye on the prize and you do not accept substitutions. It's something you come by quite honestly I'm afraid, your mom likes to things to be just so.. it's hard to just go with the flow when you're so invested in something. You just started crawling a couple of weeks ago and you are FAST! It's a good thing we have baby gates or who knows where you'd end up? Your new found freedom of the moment has left you with a curious heart and you are determined to explore this fascinating world.   

You were my baby A, I felt your swift and strong kick first, when you were born your voice was the first thing I heard, it's a sound I will never forget. You are fierce, strong, smart, complicated and when I look at you my heart practically explodes with love for you. I love your beautiful green eyes, long eyelashes, your sweet soft reddish blond hair, the cowlick that sits squarely in the middle of your perfect little head. Your softness and love for being close is something I've loved to share with you, you are perfectly happy sitting in my lap and playing with a toy, or being worn for a long walk around the neighborhood, you are my little snuggle bear. I wish we could snuggle forever. I feel like it's taken me the entire year to get to know you really well, you are special and wonderful in the most unexpected ways, you continue to surprise me with your depth and love..you are a one of kind gem, precious and completely unique. Words cannot do you justice, so know this, I love you from the deepest part of me, you make my soul shine with love. 


What an amazing year it's been. 

A Crazy Eleventh Month

Some months it seems like nothing really big happens and then some months it feels like everything happens. This month has been on of those months. Since mother's day we found out we're having another baby, we finished packing for our move, we moved to Phoenix, have started the forever task of unpacking, Samantha got two more teeth, and just yesterday she started crawling! Summer has begun letting go of things and is now standing for seconds at a time between holding onto the couch/table/chair/your leg/wall/EVERYTHING, and has just started to get her first two teeth.... it's been a wild, exhausting, and crazy month.

I somehow managed to convince Jon to unpack the chalkboard this morning and prop it up in the girls playroom so I could take their monthly photo... seemed horrible to fall down on the job at just shy of the finish line for the first year! I do have to say though, taking these photos has become a two person job. I had to chase babies after each picture and try to fly back into my position to just a snap a photo or two before they were off again, next month I'll wait till I have a little help!

This month has been a test of emotional strength for me... it's not as if I didn't know I was busy and my days were complicated and full, but it becomes abundantly clear how at capacity you are when you try to add additional time consuming and complicated tasks to your life... and you realize that you seriously don't have the energy, time, or patience to deal with additional things, But you HAVE to do these things... The "have to" part has pretty much summed up this month for me personally, I have to keep digging a little deeper everyday and sometimes every minute for energy, patience, occasionally a deep breath so I didn't barf all over the place from morning sickness. I'm really really really ready for some normalcy to my days again and relish in the familiarity of schedule and knowing where to find all of my things!

It's the last month before the girls turn One! I sincerely can't believe it, they have blossomed into such individual characters and I find myself constantly thinking I can't believe this has happened so fast. We're already talking about their future "little girl" room, and the sports or activities we think they might like. We're transitioning them to regular milk and sippy cups, they eat three meals a day, and have loves, intense dislikes, hilarious facial expressions, a large range of noises, they say "ma ma" "DaDee!" "Bah bah (bottle)" They screech at their sister and laugh hysterically at whatever that must mean to them, they play peek a boo, wrestle, steal each others toys, food, etc. They love their binkies, diving into a pile of pillows and playing in the water... they are precious, fierce little girls and I love them.


Short post, but next month will be a good one!

Double Digits Baby, 10 Months!

They made it to the double digits, or should I say we've made it to the double digits. Ten months old, in two more months they'll be a YEAR old. How in the heck?! This month we've been full swing in packing mode for our big cross country move back to Arizona. This by far has been one of the most drawn out and longest packing extravaganzas I've had as for the most part I started super early unsure how long it would take me to pack a house while taking care of twins. When you can only pack about an hour or so a day it makes the task very very slow. Not to mention most exhausted mom's don't think, oh good! It's nap time, let's pack some boxes and sort through closets for things to go to Goodwill. We're getting it done though, and I am eager to finish the task and get settled in our new place. Though, if I'm being honest I am sincerely NOT looking forward to enduring an Arizona summer.

This month seems like a blur because so much seems to have happened in the last thirty days. Summer pulled herself up to standing at the beginning of the month, it was touch and go there for the first up and down.. and now she's turbo crawler and stands up with anything and everything. She is so proud of herself and takes her new crawling freedom to explore all kinds of things as soon as the opportunity avails itself, dishwashers, the fridge, stairs (yikes), jumpers from the outside, you name it she's checking it out. She is definitely our little explorer.

Samantha is still working on crawling or maybe the butt scoot? We can't decide what she'll go for, or perhaps she's just going to skip this whole crawling thing and go straight to walking. She's trying to pull up onto everything just like her sister, and when she's standing she's so dang happy with herself! She's also getting her first two teeth! Our gummy smile will soon be no more, and I can't wait to see those little chompers peaking through when she gives a big grin for the camera.

They both learned to clap this month, they adore spending time looking at all the pictures in their books and then sampling the pages for a little tasty snack. They love being outside and just enjoying some time in the grass, or going on their daily walk with Daddy and their puppy sister. What can I say? These girls know how to live! Naps, hours of playtime, yummy food, warm bottles, long walks, and afternoons in the sun. Such a life!

It's been a good month, even with all the packing and our house being destroyed we've had a lot of fun. I've still worked hard at getting out of the house everyday to do something with the girls and enjoy the numbered days we have left in this beautiful city. We move in just  couple of weeks, and thank the heavens my mom is coming out to help the last week and to fly back with me and the girls while Jon makes the long trek across California in a ginormous moving truck towing our  baller minivan.  This move is bitter sweet, I am looking forward to being closer to family and I am excited about our new house in Arizona, but Portland has become home to Jonathan and I in the last five years...and it will be hard to say goodbye. You take away so much from every place you've lived, and Portland gave life and a fresh start to us when we needed it most. This city met us with open arms, the forest called our names, and we embraced a very different life. This city gave us our two beautiful girls, wonderful friends, and changed perspective. I will miss this place, so so much.

Here's wishing us luck in our next adventure, and moving across the west coast with 10 month old twins!

Nine Month Update

It's been a big month this April! So much has happened I can hardly believe that only a month has passed since I last wrote. They are growing up way to fast... SLOW DOWN, Mini's! SLOW D-O-W-N! For the first time, I look at them and, while they are still my baby girls, they aren't looking all that much like babies anymore; they are growing nicely into toddler bodies. They are tall and, while still happily chubby, they are leaning out a little in their expressive little faces, so much expression, in fact, that it's rare a day passes without one of them making me bow over in a ball of laughter.

Summer started crawling in both directions a couple of weeks ago, and she obviously was made for speed, cause it seems she gains some RPM's every morning after a good nights sleep. She's exploring like crazy and already beginning to get into everything: magazines, my dirty old shoes, paws towels, dog bowls, dog toys, poor Dahlia's tail. Literally anything will go directly from wherever she found it to the mouth! Mmmmm, tasty treats indeed! Samantha hasn't yet begun to crawl, but she's certainly found her voice this month. She likes to talk, LOUDLY. She plays ball, peek a boo, claps, absolutely adores Dahlia, and is still just as tender hearted and gentle as before. Actually, when I'm with her I think about what a sweet gentle soul she is, which just makes me want to hug and kiss on her all the time.

Other big things... they started eating REAL food and a lot of it! We introduced solids at about 5.5 months and made a go at "baby-led weaning." I am not going to do the description justice, but theoretically, you give baby what you eat, let them mash it up with their gums, and limit the pureed food route... it seemed like it was going to be such a cinch! HA! They fail to mention to you that for the better part of three months it's pretty likely that you will make things for your baby and offer them food.. only to have them either taste it and spit it out, or smear it all over themselves and the highchair, gag on it and puke, or just throw it directly onto the ground for the dog..... twice a day for three months is a long time to go through this cycle. I recognize it wasn't personal, but geez, I always considered myself to be a pretty good cook.. and they were beginning to shake my confidence. Then suddenly, and without warning, I made pancakes for them (side note, feed them what you eat.. hahaha.. unless they can have a couple protein bars, cups of coffee, maybe an apple, and some wine, I'm fairly certain they won't be eating what I'm eating) Anyways, I put the pancakes down and they both picked them up and started eating them, like really eating them, I practically cried in joy. So after the pancake turning point it's been happy eating since, two - three meals a day of scrumptious indulgence, baby style. They LOVE food. Watermelon, strawberries, sweet bread pudding, quesadillas, avocados, peaches, cherries, zucchini, asparagus, yogurt... all the food, all the time. I haven't done a even a marginal job and taking a slow introduction schedule, frankly I just can barely find the time to feed them something, I certainly don't have time to track it or remember what they ate all the way back to yesterday, forget it. My new motto, let it go a little, and embrace some stress free mothering from time to time. While for a while I was super annoyed with baby led weaning, I am now thrilled I stuck it out.. cause now at nine months, they are eating real food and I even fed them today with leftovers from last nights dinner. Winning!

It's been a great month, Jon took the girls for a long weekend so I could get away to beach with my mom and have some much needed me time, it was hard to let go (and I didn't really do a great job) but it let me come back to the girls with a rejuvenated spirit and a better attitude. He did great, and it takes a brave man to agree to care solo for twin girls and our puppy.. but Jon has never been one to back down from a challenge and he's a wonderful, equally vital, and competent parent to Summer and Samantha .. I had zero doubt he would do great, and the girls were happy, the house wasn't destroyed,   that's pretty much all I'm capable of accomplishing on any given day. He's amazing, and I'm lucky to have such a great partner in raising them.

I can see them changing so fast, and as I've said before ... we're all growing around here. They are cultivating and learning to become whomever they will be everyday and I am doing the same as I learn what it means to be their mother and how that role will change and grow as they do. Unlike the months before, I can actually see the future more now.. I see lunch dates, movie nights, baking cookies, laughing hysterically together, playing in the yard, swimming, taking Dahlia for walks, meeting grandparents for lunch.. I can see it and I'm so excited for everything to come.


Picture free post, my iCloud is acting up.. I'll have it fixed for next month :) 

We're not babies anymore, Eight Months!

The girls are eight months old!  How is that possible?! I feel like I can quite literally see them growing overnight. They are squarely kids now: no longer infants anymore, they fall far more into the spectrum of wiggly,  strong willed baby girls instead. Every day feels like ten packed into one, sometimes I have to just stop and take a moment to take all the snapshots of life and file them away for safe keeping in my memory. I know I am bound to forget the details about what their little faces look like when they feel the bathwater splash their cheeks or when they laugh hysterically when I sneeze. These past days have been a constant reminder that this time with them is so fleeting, that it really does pass in a blink of an eye. Everyone says it, and you blow it off, because you're in the trenches, the under-slept, overwhelmed, holy-shit-this-is-hard trenches... when you're in that mode it's difficult to think about how incredible and unique the infant stage really is, until suddenly you're walking around and you see a brand new fresh little squishy baby and it dawns on you that your babies aren't that little at all anymore. They are growing up, and fast.

This month I have to say has been pretty fun, the girls are playing with each other! They make each other laugh, they steal toys, they are starting to have conversations with one another, they swipe each others food from across the high chair tray even though they have the same thing on their own, they seem to be completely undisturbed when one of them (namely Summer) decides to sit on top of the other one, they sympathy cry for the other when they are truly upset, creating a fantastic symphony of screaming! And they both are so in love with Dahlia...quite possibly their favorite thing on the planet!

The days are crazy busy and I find it amazing so much fits jammed into the 12 hours they are awake. We are fine-tuned scheduled machines and, while it doesn't leave much for the spontaneous outing, it has made life infinitely more manageable and has made for some much happier girls. Jon has started taking the girls out for a father-daughter day a few times a month and I have several hours at home ALONE....silence... no babies! [To all the babe-less people out there who read this blog: this is the quite possibly the most amazing gift you could ever give someone with children: silent time, alone, in their own home. Don't just offer to watch the baby... TAKE the baby out of the house! Let them be a couch potato with a mimosa, finish a task from start to end, do anything at all they want to... alone.] Those few hours for me have felt like they've changed my outlook on the entire week. It's a much needed break from motherhood and it's amazing what that time does to refresh my attitude, leaving me longing for baby cuddles by the time they get home.

What can I say? It's been a fantastic month. Everyday is filled with challenges but it's filled with such happiness too. I'm continually reminding myself to shrug off the unimportant stuff and soak up all of joy I can from everyday. It's really a good mindset to have about life in general, but for some reason in parenthood it seems like we spend so much time just trying to get through.. so my goal for this past month has been driven by the final words in "a short guide to a happy life" by Anna Quindlen

"And he just stared out at the ocean and said, "Look at the view, young lady. Look at the view." And every day, in some little way, I try to do what he said. I try to look at the view.....Look at the view. You'll never be disappointed."  

So here I am.. the girls a month older, and I can say, I've done a better job at taking in the daily view.. capturing the still pictures with my eyes, filing them away forever, and reminding myself to just enjoy it.