Two and half weeks, an Update!

The girls are two and half weeks and doing great. I haven't had a chance to write a blog post lately, because as you can imagine I'm busy! And when I say busy I mean busy, the days and the nights blending together into a mess of time, so that I often find myself thinking, "what day is it today?" I am sure this is totally normal (and the girls have been amazing thus far), and I'm coping with the help of my mother who, yes, is still here... I'm able to get that extra set of helping hands while I'm still figuring out this whole "how to take care of a baby, excuse me, how to take care of TWO babies" thing.  I'll admit prior to having Samantha and Summer, I'd never even changed a diaper! Don't judge. Exactly what diaper should I have changed prior to this...? There weren't exactly a plethora of small infants around when I was growing up, so it just never happened.

I thought I would write a few thoughts down about what it's been like to be a mother for a little more than two weeks...

My first thought: I can't believe I'm a mother. I can't believe these two girls are mine....I am absolutely amazed I made these two human beings, and that these people were living inside of me two weeks ago. Absolute craziness!

Being a parent to twins is hard work, like seriously challenging. Twins mean twice the everything: two times the diapers, two times the amount of bottles, twice the feedings (if you're doing it alone, twice the time to feed them too), twice the holding and cuddling, twice the laundry, and sometimes this means crying in STEREO (this can actually be sorta funny at times, cause when you're waiting for a bottle to warm, there just isn't a lot you can do to soothe a hungry baby).

And then I think, "this is amazing." When you're holding them, you look into their eyes (when they are awake) and you catch them seeing something for the first time, or turning their head to find your voice, feeling the softness of their skin when they rest on your chest, the grip of their hand around one of your fingers, watching them involuntarily offer up a little smile and you catch a glimpse of the little people they are becoming and it's amazing... like out-of-this-world amazing. 

They are both such individuals already, and I can't wait to see who they will become as they grow and flourish.

Then there are the things no one really talks about: the hormones, oh holy heck the hormones. Fantastic highs and lowest lows. Then the insane swelling, post-delivery.... we're talking legs double their normal size. The challenge of recovering while you're giving 110% of yourself to your babies. And of course, the thing nobody talks about, breastfeeding.  Let me be clear folks, breastfeeding, this  "natural" thing, doesn't seem to come naturally for many new moms... so that leaves most of us frustrated and embarking on a very intimate relationship with a pump. In my case, feeding twins leaves me asking my body to make 40-50oz of pumped milk a everyday! This takes a lot of time AND a lot of effort..... about 20 minutes every 2-3 hours, day and night. It's pure insanity at times, and let's just say the boobs are not appreciating the love "Pumpy" (what I named my rental hospital pump) is bestowing upon them... but then I see Summer and Sam take a bottle that I made for them and know I'm doing what's best for them. It empowers me to keep forging ahead even though it's a huge time commitment in an already very full day.

Grandma posing with the girls

Finally, I have to mention my family. How wonderful they are, how much my mom and Jon have given to be there for me before and after the girls arrived..... This has been a crash course for all of us, and I seriously could not have done this first couple of weeks without all hands on deck. My mom stayed up till 4 in the morning for a week so both Jon and I could get some sleep and recover from the hospital. She's been doing laundry, cooking, going to the store, making bottles, washing bottles, feeding the girls, cuddling them, changing diapers....her help has been immeasurable and I am forever grateful to her. She leaves next week to go home after a very long stay in Portland (luckily during one of the nicest parts of the year) and we're sorry to see her go!! But I am sure she'll be thrilled to be amongst her things again and enjoying the dog days of summer in Flagstaff.

Dad showing off his tandem holding skills

Lastly, Jonathan... you know how you meet some people and just know they were meant to be a parent ? Like, paternal love just exudes from them, even towards children that aren't their own. This has always been Jon. Now, two weeks in and I look at him and I see that he is the person he was always meant to be, the father to Summer and Samantha. He loves on them, jumps in without hesitation, he sings made up songs, encourages at 2:00am them when they finish a bottle by saying "crushed it!" and does it with a kind heart full of eagerness and love. As corny as it might sound to write it and profess this to the world... Jonathan is the most incredible person I've ever known. Seeing him with the girls, I know they are profoundly lucky to have him as their dad.

One big happy family

So! What's next? Who knows?! The world is our oyster... I'll work to keep you updated as we move through milestones and check in from time to time, maybe even with some motherhood reality checks.

But for right now, I'm soaking it all in, living for today and not longing for tomorrow. In other words, I'm exactly where I want to be, falling in love all over again with all of the blessings life has given me.

The Birth Story

I haven't had a chance to write out the birth story until now, As you might imagine I have had my hands quite full since last week and getting on the computer to compose a post was pretty much out of the question.  But I've carved a few moments to write....So here it goes; 

I went into early labor on Thursday July 31st, in the afternoon ... Mom and I, in effort to try to bring on labor for the two weeks prior had been completely unsuccessful and I'd come to terms with the idea that these girls might never leave the womb.... We set out to do a little slow waddle shopping at the mall, we visited some stores and then decided to stop in and grab a small bite to eat, about halfway through lunch I noticed my contractions were about every five minutes or so, as to not alarm my mom or to get my hopes up, I just continued to eat and on our way back to the car, I said, right so my contractions have been 5 minutes apart since lunch! We headed back home and waited another hour where the contractions stayed consistent  and ultimately Jonathan and I went to the hospital to get checked out.... they monitored me and confirmed I was in early labor, after the on call doctor for my office already happened to be at the hospital she stopped in and and decided to schedule an induction for the next morning at 5am. I was super thrilled to hear this news! After 37 weeks of carrying these girls in my tummy and being 4cm dilated for almost two weeks, I was READY... there just wasn't a lot of space for anything else.... uncomfortable had reached a new state of meaning for me on a daily basis.  

We were sent home to "rest" for the night... and come back in the morning. I didn't sleep a wink, but took the time to at least do my best to rest my body.... as I got up that morning  and was fixing some toast and smoothie before heading in, my water miraculously broke on it's own! All that waiting and here the day of my induction my water broke on its own anyways, it was meant to be! 

I resisted having this picture taken, but now I'll admit I'm glad I have it. Literally right before walking about the door to go to the hospital. 37 weeks and 1 day. 

We headed on in for our induction appointment feeling confident that things were going  to go perfectly and we'd be meeting our girls SOON.... Of course things rarely go as planned with labor, and twin babies... After 15 hours of laboring, my contractions were strong and closer together (with the help of pitocin), but completely unproductive & we were faced with a choice to continue trying for a natural birth or move forward with a c-section, since there was no medical reason that labor wasn't progressing. After many tears, and with a heavy heart I thought about it and truly believed that the signs were not promising, and the volume of monitoring and additional measures that were being taken because of my prolonged labor the image in my head of the birth story I'd hoped for just wasn't materializing. I just couldn't fathom having our girls stressed through another 14+ hours of labor.... so together Jon and I decided it was best to opt for the c-section.  

My doctor, the sweetest most amazing doctor, missed his camping trip and stayed to perform my c-section that night, I am so grateful for his gift of time and compassion for what was an extremely challenging decision to make, during my spinal I was scared and worried and he stood in front of me put his arms around my shoulders and let me put my head on his chest and he assured me all was going to be ok, and I was making a good decision. Ultimately, he was right, everything did go smoothly.. and while not the image of birth I had in my head, I wouldn't change anything about the moment I first heard their cries from behind the curtain and seeing how excited Jon was to show me the picture of Samantha on our camera till they could bring her and Summer around for me to see and touch them. It was the most amazing sound of my life, and some of the most solidifying moments of our marriage to me... feeling Jonathan sit next to me, and squeeze my hand through this time was an indescribable act of love. When I was finally able to see the girls, I just couldn't believe it, they were here, they were mine, and I made these magnificent human beings, TWO of them.  

Samantha Gale 8:16pm at 5lbs 5oz 18.5inches long (left)

Summer Ann  8:18pm at 6lbs 2oz 19.25inches long (right)

Samantha & Summer

My first time seeing and holding them, the single best moment of my life. 

Our first family photo.

We're all together, and elated!

I'm grateful for a body that sustained these lives, and I can't wait to share all the pictures, videos and joy along the way with you all. 

This is really hard !

I haven't written an update in while simply because I there wasn't much to tell and frankly at this moment there isn't a lot to update. The Minis seem to have decided they are perfectly happy where they are and don't want to come into the world quite yet, despite my best efforts in encouraging them along. I've tried everything. Seriously, EVERYTHING. I've had two very uncomfortable procedures at the doctor's office to help things along and alas, here they stay inside my seriously huge belly measuring the same as a woman who would be 50 weeks pregnant..... so imagine if a woman was pregnant for almost a year.

I hate to admit I've grown weary of the comments in the stores, talking about my body with random strangers who can't help my stare at the sight that is this magnificent belly. My poor mother has been here for the past month waiting around with me (something we hadn't anticipated in the least) and I think perhaps we're all just not sure if the Minis will EVER come. It's strange to have spent much of the last half of my pregnancy preventing pre-term labor and now I'd give my right arm to go into labor... I guess the moral of this: bed rest works, sometimes a little too well. 

On Monday I saw my doctor and he just wasn't ready to induce, even though the girls are super healthy and ready. So I've been walking around at 4.5cm and 100% effaced for a week or more... I can't imagine why I'm so uncomfortable! In desperation after my appointment on Monday, I dragged Jon to the OHSU stairs on Terwilliger and did stair repeats... it didn't work.  I see the doctor again on Friday and am so hopeful I will go into labor before then... but if not, I'm hopeful he'll consider doing more to help this process along.  

I wish I could be more positive: I mean, I get all the positive things about the girls staying in here, "Hang in there!" blah blah blah, but this Really, Really Really Hard... carrying around two 6.5lb babies plus all their goodies (placentas, amniotic sacks, etc) we're talking 20+ lbs just hanging off the front of me ALL the time and the load is only getting larger and heavier everyday. 

I appreciate all the followers through this whole process and had hoped to dig for more positive energy in this post... but I'm afraid at the moment what you get is the real, hardcore truth. Pregnancy is no joke, being pregnant with twins is really no joke. I'm still focusing on the day I get to see their faces, and kiss their little feet.... and I'm praying that day is not just soon, but like, TODAY. 

16 more days! But who's counting?

I don't have any miraculous updates to give lately. We're in the waiting mode... just sitting around and waiting. I've been on bed rest for over a month now and all I can say.. it SUCKS! .. but the good news, it's helping. I'm now almost 33 weeks and the girls are looking great, they are getting big, kicking and punching me hard while wiggling all over the place.

Personally, I'm feeling like I've had just about enough of this being pregnant thing lately and while I really want them to grow and be healthy and certainly will do all I can to ensure that happens... I'm also very eagerly awaiting their getting the boot from my belly. Oh how I miss the days of cocktails in the sunshine, seeing anything in the lower half of my body, being able to bend over, and laying on my stomach ... ohhhh that probably most of all.

So we're at 16 days and counting till we've reached the ominous 35 weeks, a huge milestone and likely when I can ease off this best rest and start doing a few things again before they arrive. I say few, cause seriously I am winded just walking up the stairs!

We're ready for them, the hospital bag is packed, the car seats are installed, everything is washed, the diaper stations are ready... we got this! Shoot this reminds me, I haven't washed the bottles! Okay, we're 99.9% ready!

I have continued taking a weekly picture and will put them all together after I deliver..... however, I am so tired of people telling me how small my belly is! Clearly, they haven't seen many other 33 week pregnant women! I assure everyone, the girls are growing great, and I am, despite what the pictures might seem, measuring significantly further along than 43+ weeks of being pregnant with one baby.... GEEZ! I think the incredible size of my boobs have to be balancing out my stomach and giving it an optical illusion of being smaller.

Also, I'd hoped to have escaped the stretch marks, but this week... just seemed overnight a few showed up :( Bummer... oh well.. it was bound to happen.

Check in again soon!

Rounding home base!

So much has happened since the last blog post and at the same time it feels like nothing has really changed.. I'm still pregnant, just bigger. It's become evident that we're feeling the pressure of time beginning to slip away before we meet the girls for the first time. It's crazy to me to think that they will be here next month!
I N S A N I T Y.... Thinking way back to November when we started this whole process July seemed like a long long time away and now we down to single digit weeks left.

Let's see since the last update, I had a spectacular baby shower, filled with gifts, friends, beautiful flowers, and generally one of the most amazing days I'd had in a very long time. I was filled with joy that so many amazing women planned and helped me celebrate this event in my life. I have't really been one to have a lot of girlfriends in my life, but since moving to Portland I've just met so many inspiring women that I can hardly say that statement is true anymore... and sharing the day with all the women I've connected with since moving here was truly meaningful. My mom made the trip from Arizona to be here for the shower as well my good friend Trysta from California ... two really awesome gifts of love. The shower was "tea for two" and super girly and fun, I loved it! There were so many gifts, that my small bladder couldn't make it through the opening of them all with out a break! (pretty funny, actually). For those of you that read this blog and came to the shower, thank you! And for those friends from afar, I know you were there in spirit.

I mentioned my mom came for the shower, she also brought my dad along to join in on the incredible lack of fun I am for several days. I say that cause I'm huge, I can't do  much of anything, and I'm pretty tired... so sometimes I make the worst kind of company. He came anyways, and was able to go to one of the ultrasounds I had scheduled for the week.. they both were able to feel the girls kick this visit and I think the whole thing made the trip worthwhile even if I wasn't the best company. My mom and dad also did lots of things to help out around the house.... how awesome are parents?! Mom cleaned, and cooked/prepped a bunch of freezer meals so we didn't have to worry about cooking so much. Dad helped Jon learn how to install new toilets (two new low flow commodes in our house!), and they cleaned up all the weeds from the yard and attempted to figure out how to kill the mole that is ruining our once beautiful lawn :( ... unfortunately no success yet. I am so grateful for their help... and can't wait for my mom to return next month... as I know we will need all the hands we can get for the first several weeks.

Let's see... I had some tests done as well, one didn't go as well as I'd hoped and and I had to go back and have a follow up test for gestational diabetes, called the 3 hour glucose test.... it wasn't much fun at all and really stressed me out, but I will choose to focus on the fact that I passed it, and now it's behind me. <moving on>  No more ten hours of fasting, and 4 blood draws, hooray!

This weekend we went to a class for twins newborn care and breastfeeding..... it was information overload, and I'm not sure if it made me feel better or worse about where we're at. The thought of one baby is pretty overwhelming to the majority of people, two.. let's just say it's going to be intense... but I am sure I will figure it out. At one point in the class the woman teaching, managed to get both babies (who were visiting to talk to us soon to be parents) onto a feeding pillow, bottle feed them both at the same time, continue feeding one while burping other, then switch, then change diapers, and swaddle them and you'd swear she was David Copperfield status with her magic trick of doing this all flawlessly.  The class was eye opening, though and definitely worth the time and effort to take it.

I saw this the other day and had to laugh at the # of strangers who try to relate by telling me how close their kids are in age.

I'm afraid I have no other news to share.. and the news train is slowing down before the big day.. we have another ultrasound on Wednesday this week, I am sure they will measure everyone again... we're crossing our fingers that Baby B has flipped from breech to head down.... and that she stays there. But other than that... we're on the home stretch, I even have a countdown on my phone.. I am feeling ridiculously uncomfortable all the time.. sometimes it's a little overwhelming it's so much... but Jon's incredible and doing all he can to help me and make as comfortable as possible.....

For now I'll try to check in at least one more time before they arrive.. and of course once they are here we'll get to reveal the names! :) (I wouldn't wait, but Jon wants too)


Baby shower pictures!

Sitting around and growing people

I haven't written an update in a while and thought I'd share a little more detail about what's been going on in the land of the mini sterns. While the girls are growing and doing great, I was put on bed rest last week from a small scare on Saturday night and after my follow up on Monday it was determined that it was best for everyone if I went on modified bed rest. What does that even mean? It means, I have to stay sitting or laying down 80% of the time with my feet up. No more working out, no more shopping trips, no more walking around the neighborhood, drastically reduce the amount I'm on my feet... so mostly anything and everything has fallen into Jon's lap. This rest will hopefully stop the progression of my cervix shortening too quickly and keep these girls cooking inside of the oven for as long as possible.

After a week of being on bed rest, I have less than amazing and positive things to say about being pregnant. I feel truly blessed to have these girls, but the selfish parts of being pregnant have been weighing on me a bit lately and my positivity has been challenged a bit over the past week or two. Frankly, this has been hard, I'm uncomfortable all the time, my pregnant belly measuring in at 37+ weeks in size at week 27 means I'm full term size with two months to go of growing and thought of that is pretty daunting. I miss being active and working out with my friends, miss the petty things like wine, stinky cheese,  a working brain, and being able to see the bottom half of my body.

This time has however, made me extremely grateful for many things.. my wonderful husband, who is kind and eager to help me no matter how tired he is or how much he has on his plate, he's been to every single medical appointment we've had since we started the IVF process and throughout our entire pregnancy, he's more than anyone could ever hope to find in a partner and I am truly lucky. I also wanted to say how much I am grateful for my mom, she's always been my very best friend and while we live a long ways away from each other she's already been to visit once and is coming again this weekend and staying a while to help out while I'm on rest, and then again when the girls arrive... she's been so incredibly giving with her time, excitement, and efforts in my pregnancy I'm so blessed to have her to share this with. Also, I am glad I am flexible, have strong arms (to pull, and lift my huge self up with) and happy I have extremely dexterous feet, as they have saved me from having to bend over to pick many things up off the ground! Hooray for monkey feet, as Jon calls them.

As for the part you're probably most interested in..... the girls are PERFECT, we got the chance to see them in 3d last week and while generally I find those pictures creepy... I couldn't help that with them being my own children... they were so beautiful. I can't wait to see and touch their faces for the first time.... feel their little fingers wrap around mine and kiss their little feet, for now it's those thoughts I take with me as I'm having hard days sitting around, being lonely, and wishing time would move more quickly... I remind myself that I know this is what's best, it's temporary and it will all be a distant memory as soon as they arrive.

Stats: at 27 weeks

Twins: 2.2lbs each
Over 14 inches long each
Measuring ten weeks ahead 37 weeks belly at 27 weeks
Gained: 32lbs so far (holding steady at 1.5lbs a week or so, yikes )

I have the baby shower this weekend, I'm super excited for it! I'll post again soon. :)

26 weeks... I feel like these pictures don't do my belly justice. 

Babymoons in Maui

Jon and I just got back last week from a beautiful and relaxing week in Maui. We wanted to take a beach vacation together and hoped to find some time to relax a little just the two of us before everything changes in the coming months and pretty much for the rest of our lives. Maui was beautiful, lovely, and a place I'd love to return to someday when I'm less pregnant and can engage in all the fun looking adventurous activities! Kayaking, hiking, snorkeling, sailing, paddle boarding, etc. All of it looked so fun and it was hard to not want to join in on all the beach activity fun. Jon was a super trooper though and he rented beach chairs and made a nice little beach lounger for me while he went snorkeling nearly every day we were there... he of course informed me of every fish he saw on the color guide they gave him at the snorkel shop ;)

One of the days Jon got back from snorkeling and I let him know that baby A had kicked the crap out of me and he could probably feel for himself now. He eagerly laid on the sand next to me with the ocean in front of us and put his hand on my stomach and waited patiently, till then without fail she delivered a swift kick. He jumped and said "omg I FELT IT!"  They've been letting me know they are in there ever since then, and are kicking and punching up a storm ...sometimes at all hours of the day. I can't imagine what it will feel like when they really start putting some weight on, I swear at times they are practicing kung-fu.

Besides the moving girls and finally having something tangible to share with Jon in this experience other than an ultrasound and my occasional (ok regular) complaining...

We took a drive along the north shore which was not really written about much but was seriously one of the most beautiful and freaky drives I've ever been on, think large sections of cliff-side one lane two way roads.... really room for about 1.5 cars. It's not a drive I would suggest for most drivers, in fact... please if you are the least bit faint of heart in yours or your partners driving do yourself and everyone else a favor and DO NOT drive this stretch of road :)

On our final day we had to check out of the hotel by 11 and our flight didn't leave till 11 that night, so we set out for Hana hwy and the Garden of Eden, it took quite a bit longer to get there due to some of the less than skilled aforementioned drivers who decided to they would try their hand at Hana hwy driving, confusing the gas and brake pedal at randomly determined times within the curves of the road. The garden was so perfect, I only wished we had more time to explore before we had to head back to the coast for our whale watching excursion! It looked like we weren't going to get to see any whales, but on our way back we came across a mom and her week old baby whale splashing, playing, flapping, nursing, breeching... it was so amazing to witness. What incredible animals they are! It was so special to get to see them up close  (for a good solid 10-15 minutes) and before they made their way further away from our boat, for an extra bonus, you could see their tails flap and dive in the setting sun out the back of the boat for most of the ride back to the harbor, it was a fantastic way to end the trip.


In other news....
We have our 24 week appointment next week making it just a little more than 3 months left before we will likely meet our two little girls (assuming they make it to 37 weeks, which I HOPE!). My stomach is growing like a weed, and I'm finding it harder and harder to eat much, my stomach feels like it's the size of a peanut and my bladder, maybe smaller. Fun times! I'll update next week with some video and mini's related news.... after that it should be more frequent as our appointments will start to be more frequent than they have been to this point.... we're getting closer everyday.